Hi, whoever is reading this, I guess I’m glad you are. But in a way, I’m not because nothing you can say or do can save me. There’s no one on here who can save me from what I know I am going to do. I’ll give you the simple things, because there’s not a way I can explain things to you without breaking it down day by day.There’s just too much anyway, I could go on for hours. I’m Sabrina. I’m broken, and I’m suicidal. I think I’m really sick, sick in the head I might as well add. I’ve always been sad, what teenager isn’t? But what’s different about me is that I’m in denial. I’m depressed, I’m almost sure of it now. I think I have been for almost a year. I just haven’t told anyone, and no one has asked. No one has cared. There’s not a day that goes by that I’m not crying, that I’m not thinking about ending it all. How that seems like that now really is my only way out. My one way ticket to hell. For all my life? It’s never been about me. It’s always been about everyone else, and I’m left in shadows. I’m always worrying about everyone else. What they’d think, what they’d want me to do. And yeah, that sure must be great, to have me around like that. But who the hell is worrying about me? Who even cares about me? Who’s day couldn’t be complete until they were sure I was okay? No one. Not a single fucking person. No one even cares enough to ask me if I’m okay. Everything, it’s all just an act. You think you’ve found someone, the one. You think they’re gonna be there for you no matter what, just like you are for them. But they’re the people that screw you over the most. And then one day it hits you, that they don’t fucking care. If they did, you wouldn’t be like this. You would have never been like this. They never would have done anything they did to you, especially for a second, third, even fourth time. You sit there, and you think about all you’ve done for them, all you’ve been through just for them. What you sacrifice, and the secrets you’ve held deep in your heart. You think about how much you know, how many things you could drop on them, and ruin their life in a second if you wanted. But you can’t do it, of course not. You love them too much, you’re trapped. But you know they would do it to you, you know it with all your heart. As a matter of fact, they’ve done it. One too many times. So you leave, you leave for the very last time because you can’t take it anymore. You just want to be alone, not matter how much the silence hurts. And what do you get? What do you get for thinking of yourself for once in your life? Everyone turning everything on you, once again. Now you’re the bad guy, because you left someone for once in your life. Even after all the countless times they left you. And then, with that person gone, there’s nothing standing in your way. Nothing to keep you from ending it all. Because nothing matters anymore. No one matters anymore. It’s just you and your worthless life, and the people surrounding you who haven’t a clue or a care. I just wish you all fucking knew, I just wish you could all see how every single useless comment drives me one step closer to the edge. One step closer the the end. And you know what part that really gets me? The part that I wonder how stupid some people could literally be, the part that makes me laugh? Why people wonder why I am the way I am. Why people wonder why I’m such a bitch. Why I act so heartless sometimes, why I react to things the way I do. You know why? Because of you. It’s your fault. You think I want to be this way? I don’t, and I never have. But I don’t have a choice anymore. If I give a inch, they’ll take a mile. So I’ll give nothing, I’ll be nothing. Because I guess that’s all everyone wants. So really, I hope you’re all really fucking happy. Just keep smiling, and I’ll keep wondering why I was even born in the first place. Don’t worry, sooner or later I won’t be in your way.
